In the news!

London, New York-

Earlier today, Hands Christian Sanderson was caught "pleasuring himself" in
the window of his high rise hotel room. When asked to comment on his lewd
behaviour, Sanderson replied that it was merely "research for his next
book" and "no man is an island". While that may be true, Mr. Sanderson, not
all books need illustrations.

Upstate New York-

Researchers at Durvalley University at Hampton have concluded a multi-year
study in which they have discovered that people who are restricted to a
total of 4 hours sleep in a 24 hour period may experience periods of
drowsiness and a lack of energy or focus. This latest revelation comes
right on the heels of the University's last study linking excessive food
consumption and weight gain. School officials are hoping that these studies
will help put Durvalley on the university map and teens at the local high
schools have taken up the mantra "Who needs MIT? We have DUH!!"