Mattfucius say...

Make sense of the world, for it determines your cents.

Whatever you say, can and will be turned against you.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eye.

Steel your will against those who wish to overpower the weak.

You can tell a lot about someone by looking them in the eye. Like their mother's maiden name or what they ate for lunch.

Monkeys throw their shit because they don't have fans.

Seek not the answers to the questions you wish to know, but the questions you already have the answers to.

Forgive and forget (that you forgave).

If the best things in life are free, why do I keep paying for stuff?

You could climb your way to the top, but it's further to fall than from the bottom.

It's survival of the fittest. Unless you're human.